Jokes

After a few days of serious discussion I have decided to revert to attempting humour. So, thanks to Leonie here's few jokes;

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrolstation in a remote part of the Irish countryside.The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Irish manner,completely unaware of who the golfing pro is:"Top of the mornin' to ye, sir" says the attendant.Tiger nods a quick "Hello" and asks the attendant to fill her up. Ashe takes out his wallet to pay, two golf tees fall out of his pocketonto the ground."What are dey den, son?" asks the attendant."They're called tees" replies Tiger."Well, what on earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman."They are for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger."Jaysus", says the Irishman, "Dem boys at BMW tink of everything!" .____________

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish bordercheckpoint.Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5people in a Quattro, Quattro means four" "Quattro is just the name of theautomobile," the Englishman retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers:this car is designed to carry five persons.""You can't pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four.You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking thelaw."The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisorover I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!""Sorry," says Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno." _____

Sean walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, helooks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinkingthat one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him,"Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When shelooks good enough, I'll go home."