Positive Self Image

Mother's Message

When I was growing up, one of the pearls of wisdom that my Mum used to dish out on a regular basis was "See yourself as others see you!". That is to say "You're an arrogant little monkey so wake up and realise its not all about you!" Good advice for us all there!

But getting back to the basic message, its quite interesting to try and imagine what other people think about you - not to live your life by it, but just to bear it in mind.

What made me think of this was a sobre viewing of Withnail and I on Sunday. Jnr and Rat have said in the past that I bear a similarity to Uncle Monty. Perhaps they are referring to his intersting use of the English Language, perhaps his amusing eccentricity but most likely to the fact that he is a fat, old and lecherous homosexual. I'm none of those things but its good to remember that sometimes I can be perceived as this.

Then Jnr turned up (he'd been missing for a while) with a Birthday card that his girlfriend had made for his brother. I wont go into details about what was depicted because it would bore you more than this drivel normally does, but sufficed to say I wasn't happy with the image it portrayed. Again, I came out looking rather sad, slightly deranged.

Then I thought about the incident at work from Negative people (see previous post) who said I was a moaner and I thought "realiseing the way people view you and not liking it, helps me change" Hoorray!

Just thought I'd share.

Life is a Cabaret

Check out the Paul today on Cabaret. He's a mighty fine writer but BOY! does he not like Musicals. And to read him you wouldn't think he grew up in Northern Suburbia.

Sport

Arsenal are playing now so I'm going to make this short. On Saturday I'm doing my second preparation event for the Brighton 10K in November. Its a 4K race, again in East Sussex. Wish me look.

Something old and something new

After I recovered emotionally from the scandal of over-exuberance at the wedding, moving offices and having the house to myself. I have had the week sent directly from Heaven this week. I am going to chaperise this;

Epiphany

Monday was a hellish day,
My mood was very black,
But then, at night, in bed I lay,
And got my happiness back.

That is to say that I was a very negative person on Monday and then that night I couldn't sleep and whilst pondering the day I decided that the only person really bothered by my negativity was me. And normally I'm not negative at all. People who complain about EVERYTHING were saying that I moaned a lot. ME! Positive Mould! So on Tuesday I was a subtly new person. More cheery, no moaning, no seeing the neagitves (therefore much less speaking the truth), and no bitching (I have renamed it commenting). And it bloody worked! Just shows how effective and slightly-more-dilluded-than-usual outlook can be. Lets hope I keep it up.

Folk
Kate Rusby with Trethana (I hope you will hear more about her in the future - she is one of my muses). I have never looked forward to anything more in my life. From that fateful day in 2001 at 12 Denbigh Road in Norwich when I turned on Later With Jools Holland and heard her singing a song about a sailor. Just her and a guitar and it was a revalation. It caused a lot of trouble - country music came from that, as did line dancing - but I love it. And I'd wanted to see her forever.

And it didn't dissapoint. It helped that we had the best seats in the house (how that happened I have no idea).

What a night.

Tapas and Theatre (what a shit title for a chapter)

Dancin Fairy, Shining Wit and I went to see Haebeas Corpus at Brighton Theatre Royal. We had Tapas first and nice conversation. The play itself was ok. I like darker Alan Bennet more than the comedies but it was fun (it was about sex).

The best thing about it thought was the company and the experience. The company because it made me incredibly relaxed and the experience because I got a such urge of what I want to do with my life - watch plays. If only that was a career and not a hobby.

Getting my groove back

Line Dancing and I havn't had the best relationship lately. I was getting bored and a little frustrated with it. There seemed to be no continuity to it but I soon realised that this was because I hadn't been doing it regularly enough. Last night I LOVED it. More than enything. Its pure escapism - like everything else stops for 2 hours and all that there is is a floor, some old people, some fat people and me in brown shoes, dancing to Jane MacDonald. Who would of thought that I would find contentment in that?

Afterwards I went and met Petal for a drink and met some of her mates. IT was weird to meet new people again but they were so lovely. It was good for my confidence. It fact it was good generally. Go out and meet someone today. It'll do you good.

Mystery

I don't know what has happened to Jnr. He went out last Friday and didn't come back. I've decided to call it The Case of the Dissaperaing Housemate. Watch this space...

Why Mould hates Work.

1) We are moving to a place that is far away. My journey will no longer take less than five minutes, it will take over an hour. This could have a severe impact of my quality of life.

2) This move and new office has been in planning for years. In spite of this it is still a fiasco that has managed to annoy just about everybody.

3) People keep saying things like "you are a moaner" and "do you know what is bad for moral? YOU!" when I try to point out the above. This makes me feel undervalued, especially when I know that I am not just speaking for me.

4) Its a very selfish conceited world we live in. There are many examples of this at the moment.

And your point is...?

I have been contemplating the point of life today. Not the meaning but the point. Why bother? I have decided that if the point of life is to find a partner and settle down then I give up now. That isn't and will never be the point of my life. Not to any extent.

Thats a strange reaction to a wedding isn't it.

Drunk

Weddings make me imbibe too much. I imbibed so much that I was incapable of speech and movement. Without a nice boy called Simon and the Becstar (to whome I shall be eternally grateful) I would have been found in a gutter somewhere.

So today is a day full of regret.

When am I going to learn?

A sojourn

I popping off to the North of England for a couple of days. The purpose of this expedition is to attend the nuptuals of my good friends Marshy and Sally in the fine town of York. These are the first of my friends from school to get married and it is just a little scary that we have now reached "that age". And knowing how these things go, it will probably herald a whole glitch of weddings. Could be fun though, eh?

Also, on Sunday I will be 26 and a half! I expect half birthday greetings. I set myself some targets for my 27th year and I am yet to achieve them. But the cup is only half empty. I have another 6 months to go.

When you're bored, make a list

See Paul's blog for the inspiration for this.

TOP TEN TV CHARACTERS

I can't put these in any order so this list is just Ten TV Characters That I Think Are Good;

1. Nyles Crane from Frasier
Conceited, snobbish, bitchy, neurotic and a real weed - how can that be at all good? But he is so funny.
2. Anna from This Life
Bitchy again.(there's a definite theme emerging) but flawed. And the whole thing about being completely in love with Miles. Ah, perfect gay fodder.
3. Alexander from Queer As Folk
The gay one. Well, the camp gay one at any rate and the only one of the main cast to be actually played by a gayman. Again he's bitchy but flawed. What fun!
4. Karen in Will and Grace
A classic bitch! But this one redefines bitchiness. Too evil for words sometimes.
5. Bubble in Absolutely Fabulous
Not a btch. But outthere. And the clothes!
6. Gary in Men Behaving Badly
I like the body language and the faces he pulls.
7. Carmella in the Sopranos
Camp, flawed and feisty.
8. Rachel in Friends
I love her. I think I actually love her. Especially when she is angry.
9. Swerengen in Deadwood
He has so much depth to him - he;s not just your classic baddy but he has a heart and sympathy as well as showing how wise he is.
10 The Mother (Ruth) in Six Feet Under
Ahhhh. What a woman. So deep and emotional. As someone said to me recently "She breaks my heart!"